The conundrum- the first of four princesses continued

on February 5th, 2017 | Filed under The Conundrum - A Love Story

I met her by chance in a very fashionable clothing store where I was wasting time while my friends worked. Some might not be surprised to hear this. For me it was a cataclysmic shock. I tried on some trousers. A gentle young shop assistant looked with pity at my choice and hurried away to find something more suitable to my age and unfortunate shape. She strode across the floor with grace and purpose.

“How much is this dress?” She asked with weary authority. It took me several seconds to wrest my eyes from her figure hugging outfit to see the blue cotton dress in her hand.

“I don’t work here,” I mumbled, “I was trying on these trousers. What do you think?”

“They look like your trousers.”

When the breathy sales assistant returned I bought them and tipped her generously.

“Was Madam a regular customer?” I asked. The sales assistant’s pupils grew so huge her eyes became black and her tongue stabbed the corner of her mouth.

“Madam comes here most days” she whispered.

I left to return to the bosom of my fiends.

(When John deposited me back at my Mercedes and the Lady reappeared I should have known. I should have remembered meeting my first princess. I can only say in my defence that it had been a long time since my skills as an escort and lifeguard had been seen as valuable. The drive that was to come was more than any I had ever undertaken. She somehow beamed at my unfashionable music and the dancing of my german across the lanes towards the suburbs. We sang and laughed. Cameras that ought to have flashed kept their peace. The haughtiest of bus drivers smiled and waved us through. In the seconds before I finally die I know that journey will play over and over in my mind like a desert island dvd. She demanded I take her far further than my orders allowed. We stopped for fuel and fuel on a motorway that could have been anywhere in the world. She drew me to her and placed her mouth against mine. I thought to myself that perhaps she didn’t enjoy our first kiss and she grabbed my head and kissed me again. I was lost. I had fallen for the oldest trick in the book. I had given away the centre. I don’t think I will ever get it back again.)

I might have never returned to see my first princess again were it not for some spectacular timing. I had partied sufficiently to put her out of my head and stole away at first light to return to base. My motorcycle breathed in the cold morning air lustily and purred like a leopard freed from the bonds of motherhood. I had found a way to combine my two worlds. Adventure and duty went hand in hand…right up to the moment an elderly gentleman in a white Datsun pulled out in front of me. As I scaled his bonnet my right shin made contact with his silver wing mirror, placed conveniently on the front of his wing. I leapt up from the soft tarmac and screamed ungenerously at him.

“Look what you did to my bike you…”

“You should look at your leg young man”

I looked down testily and saw my bleached white shin bone blinking at me through a reddened curtain. My new trousers were flayed like a cat o nine tails. I sat down heavily and waited for an ambulance to arrive. 45 minutes is a long time in politics.

Stumbling pethidine fuelled from the hospital with a bandage weeping like a gentle guitar my feet took me back to the shop where I might at least find some more trousers with the few dollars I had left. When I walked in she was standing aloof and imperial in her usual haunt. When she saw me her mask broke and human warmth flooded from every pore. We both knew there was no going back.

She grabbed some clothes that actually fitted me and gave the sales assistant a look that said full price would be paid but a word spoken would be her last. A taxi sped us to the wealthiest part of town. Her confident passed me more pills washed down with pils and I slept for three days straight. By the time I awoke we were the talk of the town…tbc

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3 Responses to “The conundrum- the first of four princesses continued”

  1. Willson, LL.B says:

    Was she called Melania by any chance? Almost a “Breuxit” from the 6 Nations’ Title Race. Scots W illustrates how wrong pundits and pollsters can be, now where have I heard that before? Is Gina Miller off to the USA?Dontcha just love it when the legal eagles and the judiciary “fettle” the politicos. Worth checking out Brick Court Chambers website, particularly Sir Richard Aikens speaking on camera at a seminar about “Breuxit”, the very learned retired Appeal Court does IMHO a brilliant job of concisely summarising the UK Supreme Court judgement. Wonder whether or not Charlotte Church @screwlabour bete noire will be at the match this pm? These pieces so far removed from writing legal opinions, articles and books, eagerly awaiting more…CSW no fan of “free speech” from us “lefties” and to quote one Tory twitterer a “sad ;little old man”, yes, but one who happens to be 6 2 and 16stone.

  2. Willson, LL.B says:

    Wonder whether or not the bete noire or should I say bete red of that now much subdued former twit terror @screwlabour, namely, the fragrant Charlotte Church will be cheering on the Dragons tomorrow; have a feeling in my water that Alun Wyn Jones’ may put one over on Eddie. If you are so minded worth checking out the great Executive Order saga on the internet, have entertained myself by listening to and watching USA Law School Seminars and also one of the Appeal Court hearings. Caught up with a favourite Bond movie “Dr No” recently,wonder whether or not Trump will feature somewhere in the next Bond extravaganza. When I am freezing on the touchline tomorrow afternoon will ponder what life in a Caribbean holiday hideaway might be like…This blog site a bit like such a place,warm, blue, calm, relaxing, and no “trolls” invading the TL.

  3. Willson, LL.B says:

    Wrong about the “Cardiff Crunch”, what a gripping rugby test match, Arctic conditions in parts of the the North East defeated any efforts to play our less celebrated crunch so able to stay at home and enjoy watching a 6 Nations bonanza. A fair number of people reading your blog, yet no comments, apart from this “sad little old (lefty) chap”, I am fascinated to see where it goes and what happens next, a bit like watching a Danny Cipriani break (should he be playing for England?); I keep a journal and find that writing is a therapeutic exercise. Still twitter search though deactivated account, pointless tweeting, even a moderate left of centre view, and as for supporting the public sector…Eventually the cuts and losses of so many well trained, committed mature public sector workers will diminish services to such an extent that ordinary, non wealthy Tory supporters will squeak as more and more libraries close, regulatory services implode etc…

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